After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
