Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
