i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His nipple licking is glorious
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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