3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
