I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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