1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
