dude i'm inner monologue high
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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