Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
