Pappa wants mamma naked
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
