We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
