I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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