just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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