How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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