I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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