i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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