I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
