I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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