Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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