I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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