is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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