he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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