Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
