Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
