Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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