Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
