woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
