he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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