I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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