there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
