some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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