I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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