I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I sprained my soul last night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
