im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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