Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I just sharted jello shots
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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