I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
