This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
