I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
