i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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