Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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