so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
