I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
