yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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