Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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