Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
