Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
