You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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