Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
