I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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