i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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