I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
