I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She said her name was "party"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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