did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
