I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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